I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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