i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
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I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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