I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
