I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
