a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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