Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You are the jesus of drinking
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
