I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
