you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
