I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
