i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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