I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
