i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I have fence marks all over my body
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
