So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
