I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
