He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
