You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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