Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
