The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
