Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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