did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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