I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
