Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We are two peas in an std pod
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
