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Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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