I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
