I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
