please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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