Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
