My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
