I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
