NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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