i jhust puked up my retainher.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
