Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
