i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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