Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
