He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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