we have officially lost it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
