I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
