he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
