Your tits are I can't wait for
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
