last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
