you win again, gameday.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
