Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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