I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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