Will you blow on my dice?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were trust falling into bushes
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