I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize