The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
