How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
