i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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