I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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