i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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