Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
