He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
