Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry about my life...
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