So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
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