I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
