why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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