they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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