We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
