so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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