The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's blow job season.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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