I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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