Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
