I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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