We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
