PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
