he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I want to be your penis for a week.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
