He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
