Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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