If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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