I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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