i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
