: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
