so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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