It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
