I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
