not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
