she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
